Friday, October 23, 2009

Min is a glass of oily cheese

Salmon Rushdie's new squeeze got a plateful of comparisons with his previous helpings of eye candy, although most commentors thought of her as more of a side dish:

From RollsRoyceRevenge:
Padma is brie; Pia is Kraft singles; Min is the glass of oil that they show you on the Kraft singles commercial to describe the contents of inferior brands' single-wrapped slices.
Padma is Diamond Dave. Pia is Sammy Hager. Min is Gary Cherone.
Jackie Olive:
Padma is Krug; Pia is Veuve Clicquot; Min is Bud Light
Padma is Pulp Fiction. Pia is Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels. Min is Things To Do In Denver When You're Dead
Padma is Morticia; Pia is Debbie; Min is Margaret
Steverino Begins:
Padma is Angelina Jolie in Girl, Interrupted; Pia is Angelina Jolie in Tomb Raider; Min is Angelina Jolie's assistant for Kung Fu Panda.
Padma is Midnight's Children. Pia is The Satanic Verses. Min is Grimus
Padma is Butterfly Mariah Carey; Pia is E=MC2 Mariah Carey; Min is Charmbracelet Mariah Carey.
Padma is Dom Pérignon; Pia is Korbel; Min is André Cold Duck.
Conchie Birdie:
Padma is Stella; Pia is PBR; Min is Keystone Ice.
Padma is Chanel No. 5; Pia is Poison; Min is Wind Song.
Padma is Blanche, Pia is Dorothy, and Min is Rose in the middle of a story about St. Olaf.
Steverino Begins:
Padma is Home Alone; Pia is Home Alone 2; Min is Home Alone 3 direct to video.
Padma is Matchbox, Pia is Hot Wheels and Min is Tootsie Toys
Padma is Jessica Rabbit; Pia is Jane Jetson; Min is Daffney Gillfin.
Steverino Begins:
Padma is Chrissy; Pia is Cindy; Min is Terri's body double.
Padma is Sesame Street; Pia is Zoom; Min is The New Zoo Review
Steverino Begins:
Padma is lie; Pia is lay; Min is have lain.
Padma is Darth Vader; Pia is Greedio; Min is Salacious Crumb
Padma is the Chrysler Building; Pia is Trump Tower; Min is the Mariott Marquis
Padma is a Enzo Ferrari; Pia is a Lexus LS400; Min is a Pontiac Aztek.
Padma is Marsha, Pia is Jan, Min is Oliver.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Top 100 Things IMDB users have learned from The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Culled from the 100 THINGS I'VE LEARNED from this movie post on IMDB:

(1) You come and go in this life wearing DIAPERS.
(2) You can drive your motorcycle fast even when you are 75
(3) The Father of the penguin in Batman returns wasn't the only guy who deserted his son because he was UGLY.
(4) Look BOTH ways when you are CROSSING the street.
(5) You can inherit a factory without ID.
(6) You can live you life backwards and no one will noticed it.
(7) You can wait until your very LAST BREATH to tell your kid who her real father is.
(8) Dancers are sluts.
(9) Prostitutes are sluts (I knew that already, I didn't wait for the movie).
(10) The aging make-up still sucks in the movies.
(11) Computers makes you look younger.
(12) You can make a silly idea that can be put in a 15 minutes sketch to a 2.5 hours $150 million movie and get away with it.
(13) Abandon your wife and child if you don't think you will be mature enough to take care of them
(14) it's okay to have an affair with a married person as long as you find them fascinating
(15) if you are the father of a woman's child, you can have sex with her whenever you want even if you left her and she got married
(16) Submarines are no match for tugboats
(17) It's totally acceptable to withhold your entire career - your main passion in life - from your child until the last hours of your life.
(18) If you dance into the street you will probably get hit by a car and ruin your career as a dancer.
(19) Now you know why trains never left the New Orleans station on time for 80 years.
(20) It's good to have a surname related to your business such as Button's buttons.
(21) You can still sleep in a movie theater.
(22) You can still make Brad Pitt RICHER!
(23) You can still believe that Oscars have No credibility at all.
(24) You can still go to the restroom in a movie theater, without losing too much from the plot.
(25) If you don't like this movie you can always go and see CLICK with ...Adam Sandler!!
(26) Playing the piano is like riding a bicycle. You never forget it, even if you haven't played for years.
(27) Don't go against a military submarine with a keelboat
(28) Don't go unarmed against machine guns
(29) Hummingbirds can be found at sea
(30) If you show up in the dead of night at your dad's place, the butler will let you pick him up and carry him off somewhere just on the word that you're his son (who the butler has never met or heard of)
(31) Prostitutes will sleep with anyone including really old men
(32) If you get shot several times by a heavy machine gun, you will still have enough time to say something really profound before you die.
(33) Vodka and Caviar is a good combination, but don't eat wine and cheese in russia
(34) Being struck by lightning is way coooool
(35) Marley an Me or Ben Buttons .. either way a Dog dies in the end
(36) If the main character ages backwards then the public will overlook the fact that the movie is a long slow bore full of syrupy greeting card wisdom.
(37) I can check my watch 17 times in one movie
(38) You can leave a crippled old man with the mind of a 7-year old in a part of the city he's never been to, and he'll always find his way home safely.
(39) We can add hummingbirds to the list of items that symbolize someone's spirit trying to talk to you.
(40)hummingbirds can still fly in the rough intense deadly winds of hurricane katrina
(41)Even after being born with a fantastic mutation that reverse ages you, you can still lead a very boring, unremarkable life.
(42) Just because its 2009 does not mean we can not use the old 'Magical Negro' story device.
(43) twirling head-on into the middle of the street without heeding traffic is a perfectly safe activity that only bad luck could turn into tragedy.
(44) Dogs can live to be 30 years old
(45) When your wife starts to show signs of age, abandon her and your newborn baby to ride a motorcycle and wash clothes in India, then return years later for some sex.
(46) Even though its -30C outside, Russian flies are still buzzing around & can still get into your honey!
(47) Tilda Swinton prefers her tea without honey & flies.
(48) Benjamin was a pervy old bastard when he was young.
(49) You can forget a movie even without ...Alzheimer's!
(50) You can be thankful to the Internet and save the money for a ticket!
(51) An infant with this condition will have the ability to physically grow with their older body, but will shrink back down to the infant's body when they actually get older
(52) If you're going to destroy a U-boat, make sure you have a strong tugboat.
(53) If you know you're going to die, give your life savings to someone you trust.
(54) A M1911 pistol is no match for a M42 machinegun.
(55) If you're going to play a piano, make sure your audience isn't deaf.
(56) It is perfectly reasonable to marry a man you feel nothing for if your daughter needs a father, and not a playmate. That man will be perfectly happy just being a background character in your extraordinary life and will not hold it against you if you sleep with the real father of your child who just got back from screwing around in India for a decade.
(57) Clockmakers make good row boatmen!
(58) Infidelity and abandonment of your loved ones are okay as long as you age in reverse.
(59) You can be left on the door step of a nursing home and no one calls the police.
(60) You can be raised in this nursing home for 20 years.
(61) Character depth comes from muttering cliches.
(62) 6 year olds curse like sailors
(63) Some people don't mind reading about their mothers SEX life!...ewwww
(64) Someone getting stuck by lightning will always be funny!
(65) Even if you sling arthritic baby out of his crib and steping on it it won't die.
(66) If you see a humingbird in the middle of the sea and during a hurrican know that it's REALLY lost! lol!
(67) Doctors were so smart 80 years ago that they could diagnose an infant with being born an old man after a 10 second examination, even though no doctor had ever seen anything like it before.
(68) You can't smoke in a hospital.
(69) A magic clock intended to bring back dead soldiers instead creates a naive, bland human being with a rather sheltered, ordinary life.
(70) You can't die in a hospital bed until you get EVERYTHING off your chest. After that, THEN you can die.
(71) The hurricane will wait for you to spill your guts to your daughter before it brings its full force to bear on the hospital where you are dying.
(72) Somehow, even a movie pining for Oscar glory will eerily mirror Razzie-winner "Freddy Got Fingered" (scene where lady finally swims English Channel resembles part where Betty finishes her rocket-wheelchair, and both Tom Green and Brad Pitt watch it on TV and feel encouraged to go on with their lives).
(73) Everyone in New Orleans sounds like a low-rent comedian's exaggerated impression of Scarlet O'Hara.
(74) The guy who gets struck by lightning is guaranteed to make everyone laugh in the theater everytime he repeats the same thing.
(75) Being a faith healer, and therefore more in touch with God than us mere mortals, doesn't guarantee you won't abruptly fall dead after a heart attack during a meeting.
(76) Nobody thinks to put a pretty, historic, backwards-running clock in a museum?
(77) You should always end an affair with a pleasant note such as, "Nice to have met you." (or something like that)
(78) A female dancer wanted to sleep with Daisy.
(79) Ben had sex with one or two or three women.
(80) Diseased old babies look like some lady's ex-husbands
(81) lots of late night tea lead to lots of sex, especially with europeans
(82) Navajos think America is the greatest country in the world, even after we stole it from them.
(83) God is mean and will strike you with lightning just to make you appreciate the fact that you're alive.
(84) That if you want to make a butt load of money, all you have to do is re-write Forrest Gump and sell it to the American public! They'll buy anything!!!
(85) United States of America spells out F-R-E-E-D-O-M
(86) U-boats always surfaced in enemy waters after an attack with enemy vessles around.
(87) U-boats would prefer to engage enemy ships with the 7.92mm AA mg rather than the 5 inch deck gun, or even just submerge and get the hell out of there...
(88) You can live for 85 years and the only funny thing you'll ever hear is a old man recounting the times he was struck by lightning.
(89) Only people who age backwards have to experience the pain and suffering of seeing the people they love die before they do.
(90) Tugboat business slow in the Big Easy? Head for Murmansk!
(91) If you have a 80yr old new born infant, DEFINATELY throw it in the river & save people three hours of their life!
(92) Irish tugboat skippers are drunker than Oliver Reed & are prone to getting erections when wearing Y-fronts.
(93) Everyone seems to fvck & have kids in New Orleans, but nobody gets married.
(94) The struck-by-lightning story grew older quicker then Brad Pitt grew younger.
(95) The wives of British spies are easier to pick up than week old Dog's droppings.
(96) If you do something stupid like dance out into the middle of a street without looking both ways and happen to get hit by a taxi, it's not your fault: it's actually due to a complicated series of Chaos Theory events that had nothing to do with your own actions.
(97) If you have a bad feeling like you you're going to die, but want your wife to know that you were thinking of her, just give your money to some random guy who looks trustworthy; it'll get where it's going.
(98) They dont have laundrettes in India.
(99) You can strucked by lightening 7 times but it will need a lot of time to tell it.
(100) Blind people make good clocks.

Thanks to all posters.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

A library card

At 3:45 AM on election day, the Somerville fire department accidentally sent an all-points bulletin about a fire on Walnut street, intended for department heads, to everyone in town who registered to receive City updates on snow emergencies and street sweeping through its Connect CTY system. On the David Square livejournal, duffless2323 responded to those seeking apologies:
The city has offered restitution for those affected. They have made arrangements for any one affected to get a special pass/card which can be used at all branches of the somerville library. With this card you can check out not only books, but dvds and books on tape, FOR FREE. You just need to sign up.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

I'm not acting

Comments after the news that Joaquin Phoenix announced that he is giving up acting to focus on his music.

"Casey looks like he's afraid he's gonna get whacked with that rolled up paper."
hawaiian | October 29 2008 at 03:13 PM

"I'd like to say something, I'm no longer an actor, I'm a puppeteer. -John Malkovich"
cal_79 | October 29 2008 at 03:20 PM

"He's quitting acting? When did he start?"
AmericanMark | October 29 2008 at 05:41 PM

photo courtesy REUTERS/Robert Galbraith (UNITED STATES)

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Just a normal day...

curlytoes79 regarding the end of the 1978 version of Invasion of the Body Snatchers:

Looks like a normal day at a government agency to me!

Here's a better quality video:

Friday, September 26, 2008

The mess keeps getting messier...

Melinda, commenting on an article in the St. Petersburg Times, sums things up nicely. The Times reported about how Bubba The Love Sponge Clem contributed large sums of money to Sheriff Jim Coats campaign for reelection. From the article:
To date, Clem has given $1,000 to Coats under his own name. He also sent money to the campaign through seven corporations:
• The Bubba Radio Network ($500).
• Bubba Army ($500).
• BRN Shock Media ($500).
• BTLS Web Media ($500).
• B3H Web Holdings ($100).
• BRN Travel, Inc. ($250).
• Intense Frequency ($500).
Clem promised $2,000 or $3,000 more from people including his wife, Heather, and his producer, Hatley.
Melinda's comment:
If someone who legally changed his name to include 'Love Sponge' is this adept at creating shell corporations to evade taxes and buy influence, imagine how dirty it gets higher up the power ladder.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Gadget Reporter Goof

This is why I love comments.

Barron's Tech Trader Daily sent a reporter to stand in line for the new iPhone G3 and posted this initial entry:
"Barron’s Magazine gadget reporter Jay Palmer tells me he’s 14th in line to buy Apple’s (AAPL) iPhone 3G at the Apple store in Bridgewater Commons mall in central New Jersey, with about 100 people behind him..."

Later, they write:
"Update: Jay is leaving the Apple store, fuming mad. He says that after waiting for three hours, he’s been told he’s ineligible for a phone because of the 10% corporate discount he enjoys on his AT&T plan through Dow Jones, part of News Corp. (NWS) and publisher of this blog. Well, if you have some kind of corporate plan, you may experience some issues with your purchase, I guess. More on this once the smoke stops coming out of Jay’s ears."

Here are some of the better comments:

With all do respect, Jay needs to understand that it has been stated on the Apple website and other sources that corporate/business customers need to go to an AT&T store and not to an Apple store.
Comment by John - July 11, 2008 at 9:24 am

Yup, Jay didn’t do his homework. He didn’t watch the AT&T video, or read the Apple or AT&T webpages on what to do to avoid exactly what happened to him.
Do reporters actually do any work?
Comment by mark - July 11, 2008 at 9:28 am

What a retard. Sounds like someone should have done their research before camping out like a loser in front a store to be one of the first to get an iPhone. If it was that big of a deal he would have purchased it without the discount. Schmuck.
Comment by Kris - July 11, 2008 at 9:28 am

And more:

iphone? wireless? internet?
I still use my rotary dial Mickey Mouse phone. The ringer is even adjustable.
Comment by smarty123 - July 11, 2008 at 10:47 am

Can the iphone be used to call up people or is it just a walkie talkie?
Comment by curious - July 11, 2008 at 10:50 am